Its 1:43am, I just turned in a paper that will be graded as a c+ at best. I’m supposed to be working on paper for said class, but I can’t seem to focus. This is my last birthday of undergrad, pandora humming the killers “when you were young” in my ears, and I couldn’t care less about this effin paper that begs my attention. *Sigh* Why can I so easily convince myself of the irrelevance of school? Occasionally I wonder if I will be one of those brilliant minds who is described as being a poor student in her youth due to lack of effort, or if I’m just a lazy individual that will become one of the many faceless, nameless bodies that make up so much of our world. Admittedly, I think on this more than occasionally. At this time in life I am not strongly concerned w/ what guy thinks I’m this or what girl thinks I’m that. Who cares when the question of who will I be is so urgent. Guys and Girls are easy to come by, the good and the bad. Little effort is required to make most people think favorably of you. No challenge there and as of right now very little award as well. If you love me, then love me, if you do not then love someone else hopefully. As he tries to make me a conquest, I have my eyes set on bigger ventures. I will be great I feel it, its as tangible as the keys clicking under my fingers. Just gotta figure out how. Twenty-Two, the first age of irrelevance yet the year of immense change. I’m blowing off these last days of school and gripping them so tightly at the same time. It’s as if I’m attempting to wring out every known memory of these stony walls in hopes that the relevance of each moment will drip out and soak into my brain. Every second that led me to this moment, every person present in the process, every sweet triumph, and bitter defeat. I want to remember each laugh each cry, love and heart break, because that, a handful of unfocused pictures, and a dusty paper to hang on my mother’s wall is all that I will have when I leave this place, when I leave my intellectual and social home that expanded my mind that showed me a beautiful vision of how the world should be and then struck me across the face with the reality of how the world is. *whew* Its a big world out there and my cocoon of college is quickly falling away. I’m scared. Yes I am scared, but so hopeful. So full of expectations, plans, ideas, and excitement. Failure has never been an option for me, i’ve always planned steps ahead, checked and double checked. But now I can feel the wind rushing toward me as I lean over the cliff of the unknown. Its a rush for sure…….time to test these twenty two yr old wings.